A Broken and Contrite Heart God Will Not Despise

Psalms: Thinking and Feeling with God, Part 3

http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/a-broken-and-contrite-heart-god-will-not-despise

June 8, 2008

• by John Piper
 
• Scripture: Psalms 51
 
• Topic: Indwelling Sin
 
• Series: Psalms: Thinking and Feeling with God

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Last week we focused on Psalm 42 and how to be discouraged well. And today our focus is on Psalm 51 and how to be crushed with guilt well. I hope that you are detecting a pattern. What makes a person a Christian is not that he doesn’t get discouraged, and it’s not that he doesn’t sin and feel miserable about it. What makes a person a Christian is the connection that he has with Jesus Christ that shapes how he thinks and feels about his discouragement and his sin and guilt.

Crushed with Guilt Well

The Psalms were the main songbook of the early church, and they were designed by God to awaken and express and shape the thoughts and feelings of Jesus’ disciples. We learn from the Psalms how to think about discouragement and guilt, and we learn from the Psalms how to feel in times of discouragement and in times of horrible regret. The Psalms show us how to be discouraged well and how to regret well.

My prayer is that you will form the habit of living in the Psalms so much that the world of your thinking and the world of your feeling will be transformed into full-blooded biblical thinking and biblical feeling.

David’s Downward Spiral of Sin

Psalm 51 is one of the few psalms that are pinpointed as to their historical origin. The heading of the psalm goes like this: “To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.” What happened with Bathsheba is well known. Here it is in crisp biblical words from 2 Samuel 11:2–5:

It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. . . . Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

He tried to cover his sin by bringing her husband Uriah home from battle so Uriah could lie with her and think it was his baby. Uriah was too noble to go in to his wife while his comrades were in battle. So David arranged to have him killed so that he could quickly marry Bathsheba and cover the sin that way.

In one of the most understated sentences of the Bible, 2 Samuel 11 ends with these words: “The thing that David had done displeased the Lord” (2 Samuel 11:27). So God sent the prophet Nathan to David with a parable that entices David to pronounce his own condemnation. Then Nathan says, “You are the man!” and asks, “Why have you despised the word of the Lord?” David breaks and confesses, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Then Nathan says, astonishingly, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die” (2 Samuel 12:7–15).

“The Lord Has Put Away Your Sin”

This is outrageous. Uriah is dead. Bathsheba is raped. The baby will die. And Nathan says, “The Lord has put away your sin.” Just like that? David committed adultery. He ordered murder. He lied. He “despised the word of the Lord.” He “scorned God.” And the Lord “put away [his] sin” (2 Samuel 12:13). What kind of a righteous judge is God? You don’t just pass over rape and murder and lying. Righteous judges don’t do that. I was sharing the gospel with four guys on the street last week, and nothing I said could persuade them that a child molester could be forgiven.

I resonate with their skepticism. And I would be outraged at God’s behavior here—except for one thing. The apostle Paul shared my outrage and explained how God could be both righteous and the one who justifies murderers and rapists and liars and, yes, even child molesters.

God’s Outrageous “Passing Over”

Here is what Paul said in Romans 3:25–26. This is one of the most important sentences in the Bible for understanding how Christ relates to the Psalms—and to the Old Testament in general:

God put [Christ] forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins [that’s exactly what 2 Samuel 12:13 says God did—he passed over David’s sin]. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

In other words, the outrage that we feel when God seems to simply pass over David’s sin would be good outrage if God were simply sweeping David’s sin under the rug. He is not. God sees from the time of David down the centuries to the death of his Son, Jesus Christ, who would die in David’s place, so that David’s faith in God’s mercy and God’s future redeeming work unites David with Christ. And in God’s all-knowing mind, David’s sins are counted as Christ’s sins and Christ’s righteousness is counted as his righteousness, and God justly passes over David’s sin. The death of the Son of God is outrageous enough, and the glory of God that it upholds is great enough, that God is vindicated in passing over David’s adultery and murder and lying.

Daily Appropriating Forgiveness

Now that is the objective reality of how David is forgiven for his sin and justified in the presence of God. But what Psalm 51 describes is what David felt andthought as he laid hold on God’s mercy. Some might say that Christians after the death of Jesus do not pray and confess this way. They should not think and feel this way. I don’t think that’s right.

Jesus, once for all, by his life and death, purchased our forgiveness and provided our righteousness. We can add nothing to the purchase or the provision. We share in the forgiveness and the righteousness by faith alone. But in view of the holiness of God and the evil of sin, it is fitting that we appropriate and apply what he bought for us by prayer and confession every day. “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:11–12). Daily request for bread, because he has promised to meet every need; daily prayer appropriation of forgiveness, because it is fully purchased and secured for us by the death of Jesus.

David’s Responses to His Sin

Psalm 51 is the way God’s people think and feel about the horrors of their own sin. This is a psalm about how be crushed for our sin well. I will try to guide you through four of David’s responses to his sin.

1. He Turns to God

First, he turns to his only hope, the mercy and love of God. Verse 1: “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.” Three times: “Have mercy,” “according to your steadfast love,” and “according to your abundant mercy.” This is what God had promised in Exodus 34:6–7: “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty.”

David knew that there were guilty who would not be forgiven. And there were guilty who by some mysterious work of redemption would not be counted as guilty, but would be forgiven. Psalm 51 is his way of laying hold on that mystery of mercy.

We know more of the mystery of this redemption than David did. We know Christ. But we lay hold of the mercy in the same way he did. The first thing he does is turn helpless to the mercy and love of God. Today that means turning helpless to Christ.

2. He Prays for Cleansing
Second, he prays for cleansing from his sin. Verse 2: “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.” Verse 7: “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” Hyssop was the branch used by the priests to sprinkle blood on a house that had a disease in it to declare it clean (Leviticus 14:51). David is crying out to God as his ultimate priest that he would forgive him and count him clean from his sin.

It is fitting that Christians ask God to do this (1 John 1:7–9). Christ has purchased our forgiveness. He has paid the full price for it. That does not replace our asking. It is the basis for our asking. It is the reason we are confident that the answer will be yes. So first David looks helplessly to the mercy of God. And second he prays that, in this mercy, God would forgive him and make him clean.

3. He Confesses the Seriousness of His Sin

Third, David confesses at least five ways that his sin is extremely serious.

3.1. He says that he can’t get the sin out of his mind. It is blazoned on his conscience. Verse 3: “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” Ever before him. The tape keeps playing. And he can’t stop it.

3.2. He says that the exceeding sinfulness of his sin is that it is only against God. Nathan had said David despised God and scorned his word. So David says in verse 4: “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” This doesn’t mean Bathsheba and Uriah and the baby weren’t hurt. It means that what makes sin to be sin is that it is against God. Hurting man is bad. It is horribly bad. But that’s not the horror of sin. Sin is an attack on God—a belittling of God. David admits this in striking terms: “Against you, you only, have I sinned.”

3.3. David vindicates God, not himself. There is no self-justification. No defense. No escape. Verse 4: “. . . so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.” God is justified. God is blameless. If God casts David into hell, God will be innocent. This is radical God-centered repentance. This is the way saved people think and feel. God would be just to damn me. And that I am still breathing is sheer mercy. And that I am forgiven is sheer blood-bought mercy. David vindicates the righteousness of God, not himself.

3.4. David intensifies his guilt by drawing attention to his inborn corruption. Verse 5: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Some people use their inborn or inbred corruption to diminish their personal guilt. David does the opposite. For him the fact that he committed adultery and murdered and lied are expressions of something worse: He is by nature that way. If God does not rescue him, he will do more and more evil.

3.5. David admits that he sinned not just against external law but against God’s merciful light in his heart. Verse 6: “Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” God had been his teacher. God had made him wise. David had done so many wise things. And then sin got the upper hand. And, for David, this made it all the worse. “I have been blessed with so much knowledge and so much wisdom. O how deep must be my depravity that it could sin against so much light.”

So in those five ways at least David joins the prophet Nathan and God in condemning his sin and confessing the depths of his corruption.

4. He Pleads for Renewal

Finally, after turning helpless to God’s mercy, and then praying for forgiveness and cleansing, and then confessing the depth and greatness of his sin and corruption, David pleads for more than forgiveness. He pleads for renewal. He is passionately committed to being changed by God.

He pours out his heart for this change in at least six ways. I can only draw your attention to them. The main point is: Forgiven people are committed to being changed by God. The adulterer, the murderer, the liar, the child molester hate what they were and set their faces like flint to be changed by God.

4.1. He prays that God would confirm to him his election. Verse 11: “Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.” I know some say that Christians who are elect and secure in the sovereign grace of God should not pray like that because it implies you can lose your salvation. I don’t think so.

When David or I pray, “Don’t cast me away, and don’t take your Spirit from me,” we mean: Don’t treat me as one who is not chosen. Don’t let me prove to be like one of those in Hebrews 6 who have only tasted the Holy Spirit. Don’t let me fall away and show that I was only drawn by the Spirit and not held by the Spirit. Confirm to me, O God, that I am your child and will never fall away.

4.2. He prays for a heart and a spirit that are new and right and firm. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalms 51:10). The “right spirit” here is the established, firm, unwavering spirit. He wants to be done with the kind of instability that he has just experienced.

4.3. He prays for the joy of God’s salvation and for a spirit that is joyfully willing to follow God’s word and be generous with people rather than exploiting people. Verse 8: “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.” Verse 12: “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”

Is it not astonishing that nowhere in this Psalm does he pray directly about sex? It all started with sex, leading to deceit, leading to murder. Or did it? I don’t think so. Sigmund Freud may think that all our hang-ups start with sex. But David (speaking for God) does not see things that way.

Sexual Sin: Symptom, Not Disease

Why isn’t he crying out for sexual restraint? Why isn’t he praying for men to hold him accountable? Why isn’t he praying for protected eyes and sex-free thoughts? The reason is that he knows that sexual sin is a symptom, not the disease. People give way to sexual sin because they don’t have the fullness of joy and gladness in Christ. Their spirits are not steadfast and firm and established. They waver. They are enticed, and they give way because God does not have the place in our feelings and thoughts that he should.

David knew this about himself. It’s true about us too. David is showing us, by the way he prays, what the real need is for those who sin sexually. Not a word in this psalm about sex. Instead: “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. . . . Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing, firm, established spirit.” This is profound wisdom for us.

4.4. He asked God to bring his joy to the overflow of praise. Verse 15: “O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.” Praise is what joy in God does when obstacles are taken out of the way. That is what he is praying for: O God, overcome everything in my life that keeps my heart dull and my mouth shut when they ought to be praising. Make my joy irrepressible.

4.5. He asks that the upshot of all this will be a life of effective evangelism. Verse 13: “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” David is not content to be forgiven. He is not content to be clean. He is not content to be elect. He is not content to have a right spirit. He is not content to be joyful in God by himself. He will not be content until his broken life serves the healing of others. “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.”

4.6. Which brings us to the last point. Under all this, David has discovered that God has crushed him (v. 8) in love, and that a broken and contrite heart is the mark of all God’s children. Verse 17: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

Brokenhearted Joy

This is foundational to everything. Being a Christian means being broken and contrite. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you get beyond this in this life. It marks the life of God’s happy children till they die. We are broken and contrite all the way home—unless sin gets the proud upper hand. Being broken and contrite is not against joy and praise and witness. It’s the flavor of Christian joy and praise and witness. I close with the words of Jonathan Edwards who said it better than I can.

All gracious affections [feelings, emotions] that are a sweet [aroma] to Christ . . . are brokenhearted affections. A truly Christian love, either to God or men, is a humble brokenhearted love. The desires of the saints, however earnest, are humble desires: their hope is a humble hope; and their joy, even when it is unspeakable, and full of glory, is a humble brokenhearted joy. . . . (Religious Affections [New Haven: Yale University Press, 1959], pp. 339f.)

Amen.

EVER FELT LIKE ENDING IT ALL?......THEN YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY!

Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah. She said, "May the gods strike me dead if by this time tomorrow I don't take your life the way you took the lives of Baal's prophets."Frightened, Elijah fled to save his life. He came to Beersheba in Judah and left his servant there. Then he traveled through the wilderness for a day. He sat down under a broom plant and wanted to die. "I've had enough now, LORD," he said. "Take my life! I'm no better than my ancestors." 1 Kings 19:2-4

Despair or discouragement. 

Once in a while we all face these emotions in our life. Sometimes the trails we face seem to overwhelm us; knock the will to continue out of us and bring us to the place where we just feel like ending it all.

To someone reading this, you may be going through stuff and you are at the end of your strength. it seems you have come to the end of the road considering what you can put up with. You feel alone and a sense of abandonment engulfs you. The thought of ending it all (whatever it means to you) seems appealing right now.

I would like to start by telling you, that you are NOT alone in these feelings. That you feel this way isn't because you are an immature christian or anything like that. the truth is you are only human.

In the scriptural text above, we read about a great prophet of God who had just come off a great victory in his ministry. He had  just called down fire from heaven(you don't get to see that everyday), disgraced the false prophets of Baal and restored Israel to the worship of the one true God.

What a great time he had!

Just after confronting a king with his sins, facing down a company of false prophets and challenging the belief of a whole nation, a threat comes from a woman.

You would think that a man that had just killed 850 men, humbled a king and a nation, could surely stand his ground against one woman but No. The Bible says Elijah ran for his life!

He was so frightened to face up to his fears that he wished he could die(knowing that he could not take his own life).

What makes a man so anointed and great, run in the face of opposition that seemed less than what he had faced before? What brings a man down after he has had such a great victory? these questions attack my mind as I read the scripture above.

I would like to answer it with one sentence.

Elijah removed his eyes from God and started looking at his own ability!!

When our focus changes to ourselves, then we begin to see utter hopelessness because the task we were called to do was never intended to be accomplished on our own strength. It will always overwhelm us but it cant overwhelm our God,hence, Paul tells us to be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might(Eph. 6:10) and also to Look unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.(Heb. 12:2)

Friend if God started it, He can finish it!!! 

Ours is a walk of faith and we only can survive by trusting Him all the way.

Going back to our story, Elijah at the peak of his ministry, when he had just recorded a great success, became so depressed that he wanted to die. 

This tells me that no matter what you have attained in life or where you are in life discouragement can and does sometimes creep in.

How did God intervene in Elijah's case you may ask. God strengthened him, and invited him to his presence where he asked him a simple question

God asked him a question in a still small voice:Suddenly the LORD spoke to him, "Elijah, what are you doing here?" -1 Kings 19:9 

I believe God wanted to prompt Elijah to think for a moment what he was doing where he was at the moment. When at mount Carmel he had just forced a whole nation to turn to God, Elijah seemed to have taken his eyes off God!

It may surprise you to note that just a portion of the anointing that God gave Elijah was poured on Jehu, who eventually defeated Jezebel. In other words what he needed to deal with the problem he faced was already on the inside of him but he needed to keep his trust in God.

Friend, In your discouragement, depression or distress turn to God. David said it the best:

Psa 121:1-3  I look to the mountains; where will my help come from? 
My help will come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let you fall; your protector is always awake. 

Look away from your troubles for a minute and turn your thoughts God-ward. He hasnt finished with you and he has great plans for you.

I believe i should stop here and maybe continue this later. I pray this helps some stop and turn to the only one that loves us and died for us.

He Cares more than you know.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE YOUR TESTIMONY OF GOD'S FAITHFULNESS?

Since I wrote my testimony, I have received replies from a few readers stating what God has done for them.

One sent a mail to my facebook page with this message:

I always tell people that giving makes a way for you. I had a similar experience but before I went into that dark period, I had obeyed God's Word through his servant at that time. After I had obeyed, I went into that trying period but with that seed I had sown, God used it to perform his miracle for me.After five months being homeless at that time(living in a room set aside for renovation in a hotel), begged for N200 to eat on a certain day and lived at an edge of life with nothing to call a source of income. God in his mercies came through for me. I got a job in a consultancy firm and it changed everything. Presently still in the consultancy firm, I'm married with 2 kids, furthered my studies, living in a wonderful apartment and much more. I can stand strong and look at the future with much hope. All thanks to God.


So I would very much like to hear from you if you have a testimony to share but more importantly if you are facing a storm in your life and are overwhelmed by it.

I would really like to hear from you too.

I would like to know if what I wrote here has helped someone in any small way.

I intend to start a series or rather continue a series on John Chapter 11 which I started earlier.

Your response will be very encouraging. I  also welcome criticism on the articles written here. 

I know the write-ups are far from perfect, and I am not a professional writer but the message is as true from the heart and I tried to make it as plain as possible.


Thank you and hope to hear from you.

John Chapter 11(Part 1)

"Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. (It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.) Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick." (John 11:1-3).

As we embark on a chapter study of the gospel of John, the first thing we are confronted with,as the curtains are raised, are the characters or actors who feature in this real life drama.

The acts are  good people who by their acts have shown a love for God and with what one of them did, being set up for a memorial wherever the gospel is preached.

We can safely say that they loved Jesus and his love for them wasn't in doubt too.


Let's stop and think for a while and consider this.

Here is a family committed to Jesus, broke an alabaster box  with perfume worth  a whole lot, loved God and was also loved by God yet tragedy strikes! The one Jesus loves dies! That isn't supposed to happen, or is it?

Sometimes when we devote our lives to God and make so much sacrifices for the work of God we get the wind blown off our sails when negative things happen to us. We wonder why and argue constantly as to what may have caused it to happen to us. Some even go as far to get bitter with God and stop whatever service they were offering. Others may believe that God is punishing them or that God doesn't love them.

If you are going through some stuff which you can't say why the happened to you, then let me say this to you.

Friend, the truth remains that Bad things DO happen to Good people and No, that doesn't mean that God has stopped loving you!

Ask Job. He did absolutely nothing wrong and yet evil struck.

You are Loved by God!Your service and dedication to God is worth something to God.Your life isn't over yet and your season of visitation can still come.
Hold on to him no matter what life throws at you. 
Above all, Trust Him.

My Testimony Part 7- AFTER THE STORM ....

I had come to the end of what I could possibly bear.

It had been a year and five months without a job and seemingly no prospects of getting one soon, a wedding to prepare for without any money, still living with my sister, and discouraged.

I sat at the edge of the bed and let tears flow down my face as I thought about all that had happened and how it seemed that God's word to me had failed. I remember crying out to God in my desperation and telling  Him I had come to the end of what i could bear. That I would rather die than face the shame anymore.
The problem was that I knew enough not to contemplate taking my own life, and God didn't seem interested in ending it for me.

As I sat and prayed, God softly spoke to my heart and asked "what i had in my hand?" The story of the widow woman whose husband had died and left a huge debt that she could not pay came to my mind(2 Kings 4). It was like a light bulb switched on inside my head. The impression I had was that I had prayed but if i could still trust God enough to release what I had to him that he would bless me. You see it was a question of "Can you still trust me, despite all you have been through?" I had very little money left in my account and I felt that God wanted me to give that away. I had a clear impression of Two Pastors I was to give it to. One was Pastor E. A. Adeboye and the other was the Pastor of the church I attended. To be honest with you the sum involved is just to embarrassing to give to them but I just felt I had to obey God.

I made a bank draft for Pastor Adeboye and went to a branch of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, and gave it to the Church Secretary. I guess she must have been embarrassed at the sum and was a bit reluctant to accept but I pleaded with her to take it. Promising to return if it was rejected(Thank God it was not).

What was left in the account was so small that I put it in a white envelope to give to my Pastor to conceal how much it was. I took it to midweek service that day and when I saw my Pastor the realization of how ridiculous what I was about to do hit me. What was left was far more embarrassing than what I had given earlier and to think I had to give it to him in person! I didn't want to give it to my Pastor. There was just no way I could disrespect him like that! I suddenly developed cold feet. I went to the midweek service with that money in my pocket and by then all the conviction had left me. I just couldn't go through with it, I concluded.

As I sat in the service that evening, still struggling within, my Pastor came to the pulpit and preached a message that hit at the struggle I was having and even gave an example of giving to God even when he tells you to give a certain amount of money.(now the amazing thing was that the "certain amount" of money he mentioned was the exact money I had in the envelop to give him!). At that point I gave up and agreed to obey God even if I looked like a fool for doing so.

After the service I went into his office, scared still but I knew I had to go through with it. I explained to him why I had come and proceeded to give him the money in the envelope apologetically. To my surprise, he understood, took it and prayed for me.

After I did this, the following week. I had a call from where I had attended an interview(but was rejected because I was "over qualified" and they had a policy not to under employ, honestly I did not mind even if they gave me a job there as a cleaner) and was told to meet some people who where interested in setting up an office here in Nigeria and needed someone to help set it up.

I met with my current employers at a pool side at Eko Hotel and was employed by the end of the week. I didn't have to alter my CV or lie about the circumstances that I lost my job.

The salary matched the salary i earned on my last job in the bank and my second salary paid the expenses for my traditional marriage, the first I gave to those two Pastors.

God indeed is a present help in time of trouble!!!

 

My Testimony Part 6- Faith in the midst of Darkness

The months that followed were very trying. As the days went by and I attended  a couple of job interviews. The results were almost always the same, "we would get back to you".

I got several counsels to alter my CV and  remove the fact I ever worked at my last bank. Also never talk about it in interviews if asked. My refusal to do this cost me a few job offers but I couldn't see myself doing that and then claiming that God came through for me! That would have been no different from what brought down "here" in the first place. I was done trying to help myself.

I don't know how to capture all the emotions I felt and all I learnt in such a way that you would understand while still following my story but I would try. (You may choose to read through the other blogs to find out some of what I learnt because this blog is based on everything I learnt during this time)

When I left Yola  (Adamawa State, Nigeria) after the loss of my job, I came down to Lagos to live with my family members. I stayed for brief periods in the homes of my siblings wondering how to pick up the pieces of my scattered life (I had some unpleasant experiences with them, I think some of these experiences were due to how sore I felt about being out of a job while others  just underlined that my siblings were imperfect and still very much human).

I remembered what I had been told over and again while I still worked in the banking industry, that when you leave the banking industry getting another job would be difficult.

I was trained as an industrial biochemist but did not continue my studies in that field. In the banking industry I was also at a disadvantage as I had not added to my experience and would have had it difficult securing a bank job based on the circumstances under which I left my former Bank.


I took to applying for any kind of job I could find, no matter how much I was to be paid. I even worked as a "manager" of a small cybercafe for a while, a job that promised to pay below the minimum wage compared to someone that works at the lowest level in government, just so I could tell my fiance's family that I had a job. Why was it important to tell them I had a job you may ask? Well, I had started the process to marry their daughter and I DIDN'T have any job or money to go through with it. The money that I had saved I used to build a fence around 2 plots of land I bought while i was working and also register the land with the land registrar. 

I fixed a date for my traditional marriage without a penny in my account and just trusted that God will come through for me.

When my parents-in-laws heard I had no job( Yes, I got married to their daughter), they still accepted me and agreed that I inform my people to come with me for the traditional rites. Infact i encountered more resistance from my relatives than I did for my in-laws!

I had set a date for our traditional marriage and still no job offers that I could take. I got a few offers though, I had an offer to pay a bribe to someone that works at an oil firm. The bribe (which i could pay) will ensure that my name is added to the names of those being recruited by the firm but i rejected the offer.

After this my parents in law also called with a similar offer for me to join the Nigerian Customs. I turned this down also as politely as i could. Knowing full well, they might not understand my reason for doing so and might even think I had no ambition.

You see, I had learnt to trust that God could come through for me and I reasoned that if he will not  do so then I rather be without a job. I would not get help outside of God any longer nor would I help God.

I remember telling God that I know he was the Almighty and if it could not be done by Him then let it not be done. For with God nothing shall be impossible I resolved!

To be continued.......

Ps: Sorry It took me this long to write again, I have been so busy with work but I promise I will complete this series next week.

My Testimony-Part 5- A Journey into the Wilderness

After submitting all of the bank's property in my possession, I got home that day, pulled off my tie and sank to my knees.

All the way home I kept thinking of a way to react to the news I had just received,.I would have thought it was all a dream if not for the very real copy of the letter of termination of appointment in my hand.

I honestly didn't know what to do. The scripture of what Job did after he had lost everything he owned came to my mind and I decided I would just do the same even though I did not feel like doing that.

I started by telling God I was grateful for the job and the opportunity I was given,.I thanked Him for keeping me, His strength through these tough times, prayed that He help me not to hold a grudge against Mrs Foxy or Mrs Pity and see me through the months ahead...I did  not know when tears started flowing and my heart seemed to break. This experience was a very painful one ( I found out firsthand that it isn't easy to praise God in your pain).

After this, I was able to gain some control and soon fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of a knock on my door, a few of my colleagues who had heard what happened came to empathize with me. I would like to say that some of these people were neither Christians or from my tribe a typical example was the Chief driver of the branch. I have kept in touch with him through the years because he kept calling and asking after my welfare all through my ordeal. A lot of people I considered friends, never called me again ( its funny but as i sit by my computer writing this piece, I just discovered one of them on linkedIn and sent him an invite).

After I lost my job, I stayed in Yola till the month ended. Sold the house hold furnishings I had, after my house rent had expired and  traveled to Lagos where I started staying with my brothers and sister (I will spare you the details of my experience with my relations).I soon settled to my new life and after a while I started job hunting. Explaining the circumstances under which I lost my job during job interviews did not endear me to any new employers and it was a very difficult time.

I was advised by friends and family who meant well, to alter my resume and not mention Fidelity Bank at all. They suggested and even offered stories that could cover up for the one year plus that would be unaccounted for on my CV if I followed their advise. I thanked them for their concern but did not feel at liberty to do that, I had tried to get myself out of a mess by my own design in the past and see where it had got me. I decided to trust God and not alter anything on my resume. I resolved that if God could not help me secure a job without my compromising or lying then let me be without a job.

I spent almost four months in Lagos before i started attending any particular church. I connected again with a lady friend of mine whom I had proposed to in the past but we had been apart because some issues (by the way,I am happily married to her today). 

We started our relationship from were we had left off, though she was in Abuja and I was in Lagos. After a while, I restated my intentions to marry her as soon as I found my feet  again. She came to Lagos and stayed with a Pastor she had known for a long time. He was pastoring a church just close to where I lived with my brother, so I decided to attend.  I enjoyed the service and decided to get committed there. I decided I was going to draw closer to God and build my relationship with God. 

Within this period I learnt a lot lessons that I initially sent out to my friends by email. I was later advised to start a blog,so that all my write-ups would be in one location. This gave birth to this blog.

I also had to fight the temptation of falling into a pit of depression or discouragement. 

I would like to end this piece with a scripture:

All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us- 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 New Living translation version

to be continued....