God, Can I tell you that I am struggling?

I really don’t know how to start this and my heart is so overwhelmed that I can’t stop the tears from failing down my face.

I am fine on the outside, I have got a job, I’m doing ok at, My wife isn’t the problem, I thank you for those blessings you have brought to my life but I know all isn’t well on the inside of me.

I want to serve you and I would love to love you with all my heart but God I would be lying if I told you I have done that. I want to know you, I need you in my life and I can’t carry on with this religious façade for one moment longer. I’m tired of the mask I wear to church, that mask that makes everyone think, that I am such a wonderful brother but you know me.

You know the pride that lives within my heart, you know my struggle with thoughts that no one else knows. You know my pray less condition even when I shout so much in church at prayer times.

So please step into the darkness that is in my soul and save me from myself. Thank you for dealing with the power of the enemy but help me with my self! 

Help me to know you more! Help me worship you in spirit and in truth, Jesus speak to me cause it has been a while we shared fellowship together. Help me deal with the darkness in my own Heart and Change me.

Can I know you for real? That is my cry today. If this bible is real then God let it work for me! I’m not asking for a new job, car or things but Let me know you as your word has said is possible to. Let me walk with you today and for the rest of my existence. Let me know the peace that comes from an inner change into the image of your dear son.

Let me know this Love of yours that passes Knowledge.

In Jesus Name. Amen

L